I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
