South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
