You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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