Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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