based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
