xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
