then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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