my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
