My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My dick has a subreddit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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