i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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