Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
