i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize