Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize