i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
