i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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