No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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