Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
