My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
