so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
