I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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