how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize