Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
