Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
