I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
