They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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