I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
