You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
