ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
