Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
