Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
