I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My penis needs a shock collar
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
