I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
