i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
