Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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