Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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