i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
