all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
