mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
