How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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