Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
