They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
