I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
