pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
