So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
