Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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