i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
