He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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