Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
