who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
