So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she woke up with a sticky ear
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
