jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
