So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
