FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
