in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize