Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize