She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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