my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you win again, gameday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
