I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i want to swaddle you in tequila
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
