Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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