I want to make a zoo with you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I want is dick and wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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