1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
