You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
