I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
