You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
