If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
