I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
