I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
